WOWZERS. So, I was writing this morning and perusing through some of my old work! Remember how I mentioned why writing things down is SO important?! I freaked out when I read one of my old posts.
I feel like it is SO important to share because this is a true testimony of never selling your dreams short, no matter how small you think they are. What you want for your life is a BIG DEAL.
The post I am about to share is from my old platform written May 2014! Hint: I didn’t meet my husband until 10 months after it was written. THIS IS SHOCKING.
I wrote about him before I even met him.
Here goes nothing!
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Why I don’t Settle
A few months ago, if you asked me what I wanted in a husband, I would have said, “I don’t know what I do want, but I know what I don’t want.”
I thought that I was giving an honest answer,but the more I think about it, the more I know that I was selling myself short. I was subconsciously pushing away my true desires for a man because of my disbelief that this person actually existed. When I said I know what I don’t want, but not what I do want, that was a bunch of garbage. Every woman knows what she wants. Deep down inside, even if it is in the places that only she knows about, or even if it has been so covered up by the wrong thing that she doesn’t even remember it’s there.
Relationships have been tossed around in the wind throughout the years and some things that made dating and falling in love special are so seldom experienced anymore. This blog isn’t intended on being a comparison between love before and now, but a definitive statement that I refuse to accept anything less than exactly who God hand picked for me.
My favorite Sonnet regarding the way I see love is written by Pablo Neruda:
I love you without knowing
how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly,
without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know
no other way than this:
where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand
on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close
as I fall asleep.
I don’t know about you, but if that kind of love exists, I don’t want love if it isn’t that.
So, if I have a say, I pray for the following-
The man for me:
Him. First of all, he’ll know. It won’t be confusing for him. I won’t be part of a line up. Dating is a really rare thing in the culture we live in right now. I’m not saying that the moment he sees me he will know that I am going to be “it” for the rest of his life, but I am saying that it won’t be a game. He will say what he means with confidence and his interest in me with be unfaltering.
He will be a Godly man. No one is perfect, but I want him to be perfect for me in the eyes of God. I want him to consider God’s plan in his decisions and choices, and I want him to consult me and value my opinion. I want others to look at our relationship and see the kind of love that could only be made with a blessing from God.
He’ll love his family. How can a man ever love me if he doesn’t love the people who are literally a PART of him? He will speak well of them and value the relationship he has with them. He will have an unwavering adoration for the people closest to him because assuming that he might one day be the leader in our very own family, his heart has to be in the right spot. That being said, I see myself with an all around family man. I see him holding my hand with a toddler in his arm an an infant in a carrier around my body. I see family vacations and beach days and pumpkin patches and picnics, but I also see date nights, lots of them.
He will be athletic and take care of his body. In my opinion, God gave us our body as a chamber that we are supposed to take care of. I don’t want a guy that would rather go to the gym than be with his family for dinner, and I certainly don’t want a guy who values my physical fitness over all of the things I have to offer from the heart, but I will not settle for someone who does not appreciate their body and work toward self improvement. In Ephesians 5:28 God tells us that a man should love his wife the way he loves his own body. I really hope the man I choose loves me like that.
He will be heroic in the eyes of little hearts. Kids will love him. I have a child, so nothing is more important to me than knowing that my child is adored by whoever enters my life. A lot can be said about the way that a man interacts with little children. I once read a quote that said, “No matter how big and bad you are, when a toddler hands you a play phone, you answer it.” I believe this 100%. Not only will the guy for me answer the phone, but he will call the kid back and he will be the dragon or Santa or the kisser for a boo boo because that is in his nature.
He will have a deep understanding of the world around him and compassion for people. The man for me will pull over to pick up a turtle and help it cross the road. The man for me will help someone off the ground. The man for me will not scowl at the homeless person on the corner. I have a giving heart and I believe it is way more special to give than to receive. I pray that the man for me can complement that and encourage that quality in me. If I want to give my umbrella to a homeless woman downtown, then please, hold my hand and run with me in the pouring rain to dinner.
He will value the little things. He will appreciate his coffee sitting on the counter just the way he likes it, he will value the fact that I did something that makes me uncomfortable just because I love him, he will see the small joys in moments that are fleeting and the most important of all.
He will think I’m pretty. He will like the way my freckles splash my face and he will know me by heart. He will know my looks and my laughs and my smiles and he’ll know my heart even better than that and likewise.
He will be a naturally happy person who is friendly. I’m not saying he can’t have a bad day, that’s what I’m here for, to lift him up, but it would kind of be nice to have someone who is a positive role model and someone who is looking forward to great things while still taking time to enjoy the present.
He will be versatile. The man for me can sit with me in a cafe and drink coffee without feeling out of place, he can bust out laughing while I make a fool out of myself dancing, he can go to a nice restaurant and dress fancy and later that night he can sit beside me on the couch when I sport my XXL tee shirt and plaid boxers, he can enjoy standing next to me in church while I sing, he can chaperone a field trip, he can watch sports with my Dad on Sunday afternoon, he can sky dive out of a plane with me, and listen to my latest blog. He can see the good in me on the worst day of my life, support me, love me, put me in my place, tell me when I’m wrong and apologize when I’m right and if ever there is something he can’t do, he will tell me and I will forgive him.
He will claim me. I will be his person. He will yell for my attention from 30 feet away in the grocery store produce section, he will look over at me when the DJ announces a slow dance, he will introduce me to people I don’t know. He will support me and be proud of me and when I fail, he will still be there. He will be goofy and intense about his love and his friends and family will know, he found “her.”
He will lead me. I am a confident woman. Sometimes I dance to the beat of my own drum and I get so far into my idea of what life should be like. I am a strong personality and I want so bad to “meet my match.” I want a man that my laugh complements but doesn’t drown out. I want a man with a strong hand shake who people notice when he walks in the room. I want to be a sort of dream team. People gravitate toward fun and energetic people and sometimes I feel like I overstep the men I’m with. I want a man who will be my rock. I want someone who I don’t over power but someone who empowers me. Someone who leads me in my faith, who protects me, supports me, lifts me up. I want a man who makes a strong personality like me want to be submissive because there is a level of such respect involved between us.
He will be devoted. Being devoted means to have an impeccable loyalty and enthusiasm for something. I hope to have a man that doesn’t even let a crack get in the foundation of our relationship. A man that can have a guys night and be so focused on the blessings in his life that it radiates around him. Someone that knows what they have and isn’t willing to compromise it. Someone who can walk in the house when I’m asleep, pull my covers up higher and whisper, “I’m home,” to which I can respond, “I’m glad” and turn back into my slumber. On top of that, he will be trustworthy beyond all measure. He will have no question about my character and will know without a shadow of a doubt that there is no place that I would rather be than wherever we are together.
He will be accepting. He will not see life as a one way road. He will know my flaws and understand them. He will not try to change me, but will see my flaws as things that are somehow manageable. We will have an understanding. We will have the type of exchange that is so powerful and full of meaning. He will not look down on me and he will expect me to lift him up and make him show him the good in him, even when he can’t see it in himself. In Romans 5:8 God says, “I loved you at your darkest.” What is better than that? What is better than a love like that?
Now, I am of the very strong belief that I do not want anything in this life if it is not in God’s will. I don’t want my idea of a perfect person, only to discover that the way God envisioned my life was different. However, in Matthew 7:7 God says, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” My dreams about “my person” might be so intricate that sometimes I wonder if he exists, but anything is possible through God and there is no chance that I am about to not ask for everything that I want from the person who will one day lead my family and if it’s in God’s will, I will get everything I ask for, and more!
My favorite bible verse in relation to love is found in Ruth in the Bible:
“Entreat me not to leave you,
Or to turn back from following after you;
For wherever you go, I will go;
and wherever you lodge, I will lodge;
Your people shall be my people,
and your God shall be my God.
Where you die, I will die,
and there will I be buried.
The Lord do so to me, and more also,
If anything but death departs you and me”
This is what God intended for a relationship, for two people to have such a devotion to each other that they feel that the Lord DID that to them and therefore they can never forsake each other.
I guess what I want in a man is something that I have never seen, I want to feel a way that I have never felt before. I want someone who I can’t imagine my life without. I want to make someone feel like they are the most special person in the entire world to the person that they value the most.
I have never completely given myself to a person, but there is nothing that a lot of prayer can’t change.
OH MY GOSH! Fast forward into my current reality, and it’s like God provided every single detail, down to the very last word. Jack is everything I could have ever imagined and EVEN MORE. 8 countries, two births, four Christmas mornings, 1,392 sleeps, thousands of coffees and diaper runs, millions of memories, and 4 arguments over our obnoxious bull dog later. We are living the dream- and I knew it before he ever even asked me to dance.
For Christmas this year, we even had the bible verse I quoted (in 2014) made on a canvas above our bed!
Moral of the story, when you remember how far you have come- it’s impossible to NOT feel SO thankful for your journey. Never stop writing down your dreams and the things that are important to you- the universe will make it happen and TEN FOLD.