Are you going to keep having unprotected Sex?

That’s what people ask me all the time.

Am I the only one?

Okay- so it isn’t EXACTLY like that- but that IS what they’re asking.

I get the questions ALL of the time.

“Are you guys done now?”

“Are you stopping at three?”

“Are you going to try for your girl?”

“What if you don’t have a girl next, will you go for five?”

If you’re reading this right now and you’re like, “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” I’ve asked her these questions! It’s about me!

Chill. It’s not. I’m not talking about you.

I’m talking about the lady at the restaurant with the face that has the look on it. The one with the furrowed eyebrows.

Here’s the thing- I’m not really a sensitive person. I’m really outgoing. I like to talk. It doesn’t bother me that I’m endlessly confronted with the fact that I have my hands full. I know. I take it as a massive compliment. I’ve been waiting for my time to shine. Often the comments about my hands being full are made in the grocery store by a dear, elderly woman who I imagine once had her hands full and was staring longingly at me from afar- reflecting on fond memories of her own children from long ago. I actually love the comment. And it’s pretty obvious that my hands are full as they are most literally full and there’s an open bag of chips that are being given out “nest style” to my cart full of baby birds with open mouths.

Whatever! I don’t care. My hands are full. I kinda like it. It doesn’t offend me. Actually, the aforementioned questions about whether or not I want more kids don’t REALLLLY offend me because I’m hard to offend in this category of conversation.

See, I haven’t been burned in this area of my life.

I’m super out spoken, and pregnancy has come easy to me. I don’t have a hard time talking about my body. My journey has not been an emotional one.

Nope, we’re not done now. Nope, we’re not stopping at three. Yeah, we kinda do want a girl one day, God-willing.

But, this isn’t about us.

It’s about them.

There are couples who struggle with infertility. Whose pregnancy tests don’t give them the answers they long for. People who spend thousands of dollars on in vitro fertilization. There are pregnancies that didn’t go as planned that end in disappointment and heart ache. There are women who ARE pregnant but they don’t want to say because “what if?” There are women who are paralyzed with fear of possible miscarriage who cry that their own stress could harm their baby. There are husbands and wives that literally have awkward conversations because the gender wasn’t what one of them hoped. There are women who I know personally who feel SO much pressure because they know that their husband REALLY wants to have a son… and IT’S A GIRL. There are couples who decided that they only want to have one child and continuously question their choices because you’re inadvertently telling them that one isn’t good enough. OR people who have decided that they don’t want kids- that it isn’t for them, and you suck the meaning from their lives and tell them they can’t “just travel” or “just be a dog mom.”

I don’t think people mean to do it.

I’ve done it. And I didn’t know.

I’d like to think they just. don’t. know.

Let’s get it out on the table. ❤

-SL



4 Steps to being better Today


Usually I write about things that I think are more so geared toward moms, but this one applies to everyone across the board.

Lately I’ve been considering what makes people happy and successful- two really broad topics. I feel like I’m really happy in my life, but I have so many dreams inside me, things that I talk about and some that I don’t. I identified some “killers of happiness” and figured I would sort of start unraveling them. All of my ideas comes from how I would parent my kids, but somehow I have to also constantly remind myself.

First of all:

Other people can be happy or successful, and it has nothing to do with you.

One thing that I have noticed is how much people compare themselves to others or judge where they are based on the progress of other people.

My son is an incredible learner. Reading and math come easy to him. He often scores 100’s on everything he does. Last week he scored a 97% because he forgot to capitalize the first letter of the sentence. The first thing he said to me wasn’t that he was annoyed that he forgot the capital letter, it was that he was annoyed that his friend hadn’t.

Literally who cares what your friend did?!

See, I had to explain to him to focus on personal growth. That what mattered was how he did compared to last quiz and whether or not he includes the capital on next week’s quiz.

And then it hit me. WE ALL DO THIS. WHYYYY?

This is something that I have gotten way better with over time, but I have to tell my thoughts where to stick it. Other people can be happy or successful, and it has nothing to do with me.

I’m going to be a bit harsh here:

If you are not happy for other people’s happiness and success then you are the problem.

Social media allows us to see how everyone we have ever known is doing. It is so cool, but it has the tendency to document growth or lack there of.

I have a friend named Raya from elementary school who is living a dream life- traveling the world with her boyfriend, reading about goddesses and women’s empowerment, going to festivals and dancing the night away. That is not my life- but MY GOD, I am overrrrr the moon for her. Do I want to ditch my kids, move to southern California, and grow out my arm pit hair? No, not really. But, her happiness brings me joy from afar and I love seeing it.

ANDDD she empowers me! She writes to me about what a Queen I am for being such a great mommy to my babies. We chose two different paths and yet we still lift each other up when it would be so easy to be a naysayer.

There is another girl I know from high school! Her name’s Jordan! I remember seeing her working out at the YMCA next to me in like 2009. Now she makes a living on her social media empire, influencing others on work outs and living a healthy lifestyle. Do I work out? Nope. Do I do her challenges? Big nope. Do I follow her anyway? Yep. I love to see her growth and success, like, yesssssss, girl. Do big things! Who knows! Maybe one day I’ll start working out again! Guess who I’ll call!

Be happy for other people. Their success and happiness is their own, and it has nothing to do with you. Support people and lift them up. If it’s their budding photography business, their college class, or their 30 days anniversary being sober- whatever! Be supportive!

Stop being annoyed at someone else’s life or glory. It says something about you and your personal opinion of your own journey if you are unable to find joy in seeing other people live their dreams out. You get back what you give out in the world. Don’t be the person worried that someone else remembered their capital letter and you didn’t. Worry about yourself and be glad for others.

Know your strengths and play to them.

What a simple thought. I heard my husband tell this to our son the other day. He was all pissy that he didn’t score a goal on the soccer pitch. Guess what? He’s a center back. Scoring goals isn’t his job. Will he get a chance now and then? Sure. But, his talent is being a big, bad defender.

Not that he can’t decide he wants to be a striker and start working at it. But, every day for the last two years, he’s been practicing being a defender.

I’ll be the first to tell you, I am NOT a math person. I recently found loads of trig and precalc work I saved from high school, why? I was probably REALLY proud. HAHA. I have to work really hard at math to get it. But you know what comes naturally? This. I sit down with my coffee and start banging it out. Do I need practice? Yep. Am I still learning? You bet. But, I don’t have to pull my hair out to get an idea on the paper.

Tim Notke said, “hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.”

Figure out what you’re good at and work on it. If you don’t know, make a list and narrow it down- Runaway Bride style. Get to know yourself. You can’t be annoyed if you aren’t living out a dream that you haven’t put grind into.

God gave everyone talents, and if you find out what yours are and use them to your advantage, you’ll taste the fruits of your labor. But you can’t just sit there and wait for an opportunity to come find you.

And what if an opportunity DOES come, and you haven’t been cultivating your craft for your moment to prove yourself?

Share your ideas with people.

The other day a mom messaged me asking advice about breastfeeding. Here’s the thing- I’ve put in my time in this arena. I kind of know what I’m talking about. But to be honest, I only know what worked for me and MY kids. Do you know what that means? I’m not an expert on what’s going to work for you and your kid. The only thing I can do is share my trial and errors, what worked for me and what didn’t work for me. Like, I don’t KNOW everything- but here’s what I’ve gathered so far.

When I first started teaching, my department head, Bonnie Watkins, was the business. I had no idea what I was doing and I was SO SCARED I was going to be the reason students didn’t learn. Do you know what? She made me copies of everything she had, and she shared EVERYTHING with me. Why would she do that? I didn’t deserve all of this help. I hadn’t put the time in to be able to use all of these resources. I kind of felt guilty taking them from her. After all, they were hers. The resources were a result of her time and effort throughout many years of teaching.

I finally just asked her, “Why would you give me all of these resources?”

Her response is one that I replay often in my head.

“If I give you everything I know- it forces me to keep learning. The day I stop giving out my resources, I am saying I don’t want to grow anymore.”

Freaking WOW. What a poised response.

Do you get it? If you share everything you know, it requires that you learn more and grow more.

Not only that, but she wanted me to be successful. She didn’t want to see me fail.

What a blessing to be that person for someone.

And, by the way, this reinforces the idea that you are your own competition. What a way to live! Share your ideas so you can make other people better and force growth upon yourself so you can be better, too.

Mind your words.

It’s self fulfilling prophecy, people! Self fulfilling prophecy is by definition a prediction that causes itself to be true. The mind is a powerful vessel. If you are constantly telling yourself that you aren’t good enough, then your mind actually believes it.

In the book Start, by Jon Acuff, he talks about the negative voices that everyone has, the parts of our brain that list all the reasons that we can’t accomplish something. It encourages writing them down and proving them wrong. THEN, telling people you love about them. He states, “…never waste time trying to battle a voice alone. In some cases that voice or fear and doubt will have had a ten year start on you.” GEEZE, that’s powerful.

You mean to tell me, I have to battle a negative thought that I’ve had for years?

This morning I scribbled down on a paper, “Your blog sucks.”

Then I wrote- LOL, “Well, it doesn’t, does it? I’m not even done yet.”

It actually really helped me to poke fun at my negative ideas before they could snow ball into something significant in my mind.

You see, the other day my first grade son said, “I don’t have weaknesses.” (Boy is he in for a shock! HAHA) But, at the minute, he really believes it. What an incredible thought that at one point, we all believed there was nothing that we couldn’t do. And then what’s so sad, is one day we were “intelligent” enough to know better.

I really would love to be an author one day. My husband and I joke that it could happen! Am I an author right now? Nope. But, why not? Why is that somehow not in the cards for me? 7 year old me would really have words for 27 year old me. “What do you mean? You don’t have weaknesses! Go for it!.”

Your words matter- but so do the words and actions of the people you love.

One day my husband shared one of my blogs and no one liked it… except me (AWKWARDDD.) BUT, I shared with him that my blog had 107 more views because he shared it AND someone private messaged me saying it helped them. When I told him that, he was stunned! How come no one liked it?! I don’t have that answer. BUT, now he shares every single one of my mushy-gushy-pro-mom-agenda blogs on his manly facebook page where the literal only other thing he posts is facts about Lebron James. My blogs don’t really mesh with the theme. BUT, He believes in my dream. God love him, he’s the best there is. He knows that what he says and does matters- if only to me- and it becomes a part of my reality.

Words are so important. What if we told our kids, “No, Jaxon. Sorry- you’re flawed and not good enough. You DO have weaknesses. That dream is going to be really impossible for you.” What would that do to his spirit? You would never say something like that to your children. I’d like to think no one would.

Why do you allow your thoughts to speak to you that way?

It just isn’t true. Not for Jaxon and not for me and not for you.

Words are critical- choose them wisely.

Today I could have said to myself, “No, my friend. You write mom blogs- stay in your lane.”

I didn’t! I wrote what I wanted. I feel so much better for it.

-SL

Every Move you Make, Every Step you take- I’ll be Watching you.

It’s early Sunday morning, my husband made me a latte and we are listening to acoustic covers on spotify while life happens around us. Jack realized we didn’t have beans for breakfast (American readers are so confused, but in England, they eat beans with breakfast- at first I hated it, but now I’m hooked.) Anyway, he ran to the store to get beans and Beckham was fussing, so I was standing up rocking with him, more like a slow dance. I do it with all three of my boys. Every mama does this with her babies, but I’ll get back to this.

Many people don’t know, but I get really nervous about doing things for the first time. I always have. I get pits in my stomach. It doesn’t matter what it is- if it’s my first time doing something, I really doubt myself, and I have to talk myself through it. I have to say in my head, “You will not feel this way when you get going.”

Since Jaxon (my seven year old) was little, I’ve noticed that he has the same characteristics in his personality. He would scream going anywhere for the first time, and I began trying to teach him some of my coping skills. Whenever he doubts himself, we talk about self fulfilling prophecy and how what you believe about yourself becomes reality. Last night Jaxon had his first football game. He’s been playing soccer for years and is really quite good. But, it was his first football game, and I knew he would be filled with self doubt. And then I watched him run out on the field. He was so brave. He looked like he had been doing it for years and had such an eagerness to learn, and I thought to myself, “Sweet Lord, that’s my baby out there.” I just wanted to run out and tackle him to the floor and bring him into a cradle. Like, no can do! You are my little child. I couldn’t believe it. He gave me a thumbs up, and he didn’t look nervous or skeptical or concerned, and I thought- he’s better than me. What an emotional thought. See as parents, often we don’t see the fruits of our labor. There are times where I think my kids clearly don’t absorb a single thing I say. But, when he looked over at me- I felt it. I know he did, too.

That brings me back to this morning. I’m slow dancing with Beckham, not even two months old, and a song comes on in acoustic that every single person knows. But, today- I heard it differently. Sit down, moms because I’m going to save you the suspense- this sparked an ugly cry.

I’m swaying my newborn and I hear-

Every breath you take…


Every move you make…


Every bond you break
Every step you take
I’ll be watching you.

Every single day…


Every word you say…


Every game you play
Every night you stay
I’ll be watching you .

It’s by The Police but this particular version was a cover by Aaron Krause ft. Liza Anne. LOOK IT UP. I can’t tell you how hearing this song differently absolutely paralyzed me. Just looking around at my babies- all at different stages and growing and changing right in front of my eyes. It’s like the song spoke to me in a whole new way- like an awakening that I so desperately needed. It’s just the truth. I’m watching them. And often I’m moving them along from task to task and trying to teach them what I know. You go through all the motions as a parent. We are all out here just trying to survive. It’s hard, guys.
Kids are wildly tough. I never imagined how trying it could be.
Sometimes I’m like holy grail, if Jaxon doesn’t get up and brush his teeth right now, I’m going to absolutely lose my mind once and for all, or if Hudson dumps that bottle of water he just begged for- he’s only allowed cups with lids until he’s 17. I don’t care.

But my whole heart just caved as I listened to the words. It’s so hard to get caught up in the day to day woes. I was rocking my newborn and looked over to see my toddler playing legos- and he looked up at me and said, “Oh, mommy girl- I’m buildin’.” Then I thought back to last night at the football field when Jaxon’s eyes locked with mine and he put his little thumb up. The same thumb that rested countless nights on my chest just the way Beckham’s was now.

The days turn into nights and the time just slides through the hour glass and somehow like daylight robbery- they grow up and I’m just watching.

The thing is, I know there will be a time this week when all hell is breaking loose, and I’m trying not to fall apart as a mom. There will be that time this week for all of us. And you know what? We are allowed to fall apart. And then we need to get it together, And when we put those little babies to bed that night, we need to just watch them.

Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I’ll be watching you.

Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I’ll be watching you

I promise you that if you are a parent, you’ll never hear the song the same. I can only speak for up to age seven. But, to the parents with kids graduating high school, going to college, getting married, and reaching their dreams- I see you, too. The last time my mother in law was here, I said to her, “It’s hard for me to grasp that you see Jack the way I see my boys. Is it weird?” And her response was JUST WHAT I NEEDED.

She said, “It never stops being weird because you remember everything.”

The song continues on and the lyrics are:

Oh can’t you see
You belong to me
My poor heart aches
With every step you take

Nothing in the world is better than watching your babies grow. But my God, it stings. That little thumbs up was just him letting me know he’s okay at his first football game and before I know it, it’ll be through the glass window with news that his baby’s here. Now that’s bitter sweet.

Babies grow up, and even though sometimes I want to turn the clocks forward and shout, “bed time!” at 6:30, today I’m profoundly aware that my days with squishy feet in my bed and little thumbs on my chest are numbered.


Every move you make
Every step you take
I’ll be watching you



Falling in Love with Reality

***I am super excited because this is my first time using this new platform and site. As I reviewed and saved all of my work, I realized through the messages from readers that they were helping people. I decided that I would start taking my writing seriously and giving it the justice it deserves.***

Over the past few weeks I have been reflecting on why I don’t post more blogs. First of all, I absolutely love writing. It’s therapeutic to me. It gives me the ability to share my perspective. It also lets me record my words in a forum that will allow my husband and kids to be able to access them forever. What is cooler than that?

People ALWAYS ask why I don’t post more, and my response is that I’m just too busy. But am I? I’ve always said, “you make time for what you WANT to make time for.” If that’s the case, why don’t I write?

Yesterday I was scrolling through instagram under #momblogger, and it really dawned on me. I don’t fit in this category. I just don’t. I’m not knocking the moms I was seeing, because God knows we need to be uplifting each other. All I’m saying is that I don’t fit in the popular crowd in the industry, and I don’t want to.

Here’s the thing, social media today is all about perception. People see what is in a picture, and it creates a false idea of what actually exists. It’s not that I want to post unedited pictures of my kid having a tantrum, but I also don’t want to order matching outfits from Pottery Barn on my credit card and set up a beach picnic.

In terms of social media, can we fall in love with real? Can we fall in love with truth over a facade? Can we get rid of perception and just have reality? And in terms of each other, can we do the same?

Can we stop comparing or trying to emulate a lifestyle that isn’t true? Is there room for just the average mom? Moms who wake up trying their best to create memories and end up trying their best to make it to bedtime?

Can we just shamelessly choose to make choices day to day that work best for our families? Can I tell you that I sometimes yell at my kids and ask my husband if I’m an awful mother? Is it okay to share that our almost 18 month old baby still nurses 3 times a night? Can I admit that I sometimes don’t want to talk when I see you at Target? Is it okay that the extent of my workout routine is walks around the block with my family? Can I love God and not mention it every other sentence?

Can we just be unapologetically ourselves? 

Can I brag about my kids because they’re mine? Is it okay to stop trying to pretend that I don’t have clean laundry sitting in my dryer literally at any given moment? Our puppy is cute, but I would be a big liar if I didn’t tell you about the annoyed texts I sent my husband every morning for like three weeks straight. “Send help. Our house smells like six bags of pure Walmart ass.” Am I allowed to say “ass” publicly?

Is it time to admit that my husband makes dinner more often than I do and sometimes better than I do?  Can I tell you that he and I fight next to NEVER, without it being a competition in your head for what you experience in your own marriage? Can I share that our most significant disagreement in the last six months was over a stuffed animal rabbit, and I was so upset I cried? LOL (He will laugh when he reads this.)

Also, do you know how we afford to go on lavish vacations? We book them with a deposit. You have until a month before you leave to pay for it. We try our best, put whatever is left on credit card, and pay it off (or just pay the minimum balance), whatever we can afford that month.

Can I tell you that I don’t monitor screen time? That I had to borrow sun screen from another mom at soccer camp on the first day? Can I share that I stare at my kids and genuinely believe they’re perfect? That I play outside with them and kick a ball at a goal when I’d rather be doing literally anything else. Is it okay that everyone tells me, “You’ll get your girl one day,” and I don’t know if I want one?!

Can I tell you that I’m not going to yell at my kids in order to get the perfect picture? That my husband is THE BEST and lets our rabbit live in our walk in closet because I’m obsessed with him. Is it okay to admit that I don’t know how I will manage three kids, school, work, and soccer? Can I tell you that I drink coffee while pregnant? If I’m wondering how you keep your house so clean, can I just ask you right then and there? Can you tell me that you shoved everything in your closet and then show me?! And then stop doing that when I come over? Is there room for all of this in the blogging industry?

Is there room for downright raw and pure reality? I feel like I just crave NORMALITY. I want to be genuinely happy for your successes but also not judge if there’s a hanger and half eaten granola bar in the background of your latest picture. In fact, I’d prefer that you leave it there instead of trying to quickly create the perfect back drop because then I can relate to you, because, I too, have the same exact reality.

Am I the only one that thinks blogging needs more, “what you see is what you get?”

Can we just embrace uplifting each other? Live unapologetically? Can we all just throw caution to the wind and do the best we can? Is there room for that on social media and in mom blogs and in life in general?

Here’s to admitting that I had to rewash yesterday’s last load of laundry so my family doesn’t smell of mildew.

Here’s to welcoming the Christmas blanket in the picture year round.

P.S. It’s 80 degrees in Florida this week, so don’t call me a hypocrite when I post my picnic beach pics. It’s allowed if it’s REALITY. 🙂

XOXOXO

-SL